I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
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