dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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