Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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