I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
