So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
