My cat gives me a boner
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
