There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
