Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
