You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
