Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
