So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
