Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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