i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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