:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
