we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
