Define "chronic" masturbator.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
