After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
