she takes plan B like it's going out of style
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
