She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
