im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
