no, he came in my armpit
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize