whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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