yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
