someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize