i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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