how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
