pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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