we have officially lost it.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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