girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You took a bar mat shot.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
