Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
