Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize