I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
