I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
