Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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