i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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