One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
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