he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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