I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
