Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
