Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
