thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
