when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
