Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
