id be glad to
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
