uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
