Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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