I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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