if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
