Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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