Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
