can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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