I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
