Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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