you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
FUCK WHALES
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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