i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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