How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
