After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
