Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
