dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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