You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize
