I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
