he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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