You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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