Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
