Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
