somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
