Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so let's talk penis.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
