She is in my trunk
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize