Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
