It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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