hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
