Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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