Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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