I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
