He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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