He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
