I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
